"What is, is actual - what might be simply is not, and I must not therefore query God as though he robbed me - of things that are not. Further, the things that are belong to us, and they are good, God given, and enriched. Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living. It is true that our youth is fast fleeting, and I know the rush of wants, the perfect fury of desire which such a thought summons. All that it involves - getting on to thirty - brings a push of hurry and a surge of possible regrets over the soul....this is just exactly what we have bargained for. Obedience involves for us, not physical suffering, perhaps, not social ostracism as it has for some, but this warring with worries and regrets, this bringing into captivity our thoughts. We have planted (in our integrity) the banner of our trust in God. The consequences are His responsibility." A letter on February 7, 1952 from Jim Elliot to Elisabeth in "Passion and Purity" pp. 160-161

"The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying. The seed falls into the ground, dies as the new shoot springs up. There must be a splitting and breaking in order for a bud to form. The calyx lets go of the flower. The petals must curl up and die in order for the fruit to form. The fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed. The seed falls into the ground....There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul. It is easy to make a mistake here. 'If God gave it to me,' we say, 'it's mine. I can do what I want with it.' No. The truth is it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of - if we want to find our true selves, if we want real Life, if our hearts are set on glory. Think of the self that God has given as an acorn. It is a marvelous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional. Think of the grand glory of an oak tree. God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree. His intention for us is '...the measure of the statue of the fulness of Christ.' Many deaths must go into reaching that measure, many letting-goes. When you look at the oak tree you do not feel the 'loss' of the acorn is a very great loss. The more you perceive God's purpose in your life, the less terrible the losses seem." Elisabeth Elliot, pp. 163-164

If Life Was Ideal

Went through some old writings tonight. This writing I found is post-worthy...and fitting for this long-abandoned blog.


(May 18, 2013)

If life was ideal,
We wouldn’t carry the wounds of our fathers
The hurts of our mothers

We would be able to choose
What fades, What stays
We’d place ourselves where we’d like to start
And believe we could pick up where we’d left off without the stains of the past
Sticking so close

Darling, we’d know what to pick
and when
Our hearts our open enough
Or refuse when our hearts were incomplete and broken, or full

In an idea world,
We wouldn’t hurt the ones we love most
Or push away the ones we yearn to be most nearest

We’d be in tune with the state of our beings
And act out just that
We’d be aware of the experiences we are creating for others,
Always

We’d all be able to leave our own bodies
But just for a second
To enter in the pain of another’s
To feel, to fight, to lift, to understand

To love

Our words would have the right timing
Our words would heal and bind up,
Only

In an ideal world,
Actions wouldn’t carry the weight of that
one time
that broke us and is still breaking us


In an ideal world,
We could leave our pasts behind without effort, without hurt
Without labor

Rest

Few men know how to live. We grow up at random, carrying into mature life the merely animal methods and motives which we had as little children. And it does not occur to us that all this must be changed; that much of it must be reversed; that life is the finest of the Fine Arts; that it has to be learned with lifelong patience, and that the years of our pilgrimage are all too short to master it triumphantly. Yet this is what Christianity is for--to teach men the Art of Life. And its whole curriculum lies in one word--"Learn of Me." Unlike most education, this is almost purely personal; it is not to be had from books or lectures or creeds or doctrines. it is a study from the life. Christ never said much in mere words about the Christian Graces. He lived them, He was them. Yet we do not merely copy Him. We learn His art by living with Him, like the old apprentices with their masters. Now we understand it all? Christ's invitation to the wary and heavy-laden is a call to begin life over again upon a new principle--upon His own principle. "What My way of doing things," He says. "Follow Me." Take life as I take it. Be meek and lowly and you will find Rest...

It is only when we see what it was in Him that we can know what the word Rest means. It lies not in emotions, nor in the absence of emotions. It is not a hallowed feeling that comes over us in church. It is not something that the preacher has in his voice. It is not in nature, or in poetry, or in music--though in all these there is soothing. It is the mind at leisure from itself. It is the perfect poise of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God. It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.' "

-Henry Drummond

Currently Reading the Free E-Book of the Addresses of Henry Drummond.

You can find it HERE.

The Sum of 2011

I wrote this in response to a letter my friend wrote me. I reflected on it today and was like wow, that is definitely the summation of the last year; 2012, I am walking in the knowledge of the below. I remember sitting on the couch and reading the letter my friend had written me, I cried and in response to God's moving, etched the below:


There is power in the pain
The more tears, the more water for growth,
Intentional nurture for fertilizer
With patience, the unseen underground growth,
One day will burst forth and stand forth.
Commended and recognized to the Father alone, bearing much fruit.
If it takes brokenness to get one to the knees for extended periods of time,
To wait, contend for, ask and cry for, then let that passion come.
If it takes confusion, screaming voices and opinions
To learn one’s own voice
And trust in the Spirit counsel first and foremost, not worldly wisdom dressed as good
Counsel, then let it be.
If it takes being in a room with crooks for one to develop discernment, let it be.
If it takes many battered hearts for one to finally grasp ones heart’s worth, then let it be.
If it takes one standing alone, to realize the potential, the instilled presence of God,
The tremendous purpose and capacity and trust in God’s power;
That one needs no body to lay with, one needs no body to stand by,
Then let it be.
If it takes fear, for fear to be realized and faced, then let it be.
The Spirit’s relentless ache signifies the substance of the things unseen.
A jewel, kept pure, being cleansed time and time again
From harshness of hands of thieves desiring to hold and steal it,
Will gleam, sparkle, and bring light to many,
Will be a treasure to behold.

4 days ago, the Holy Spirit brought this passage to my attention: Ezekiel 36:

25"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God..."

May God give us new hearts and move us to follow His direction by softening our hearts and implanting his truth daily. Let it be so, Amen. I love you so much!

“One cannot prove anything here, but it is possible to be convinced.' How? By what?' By the experience of active love. Try to love your neighbors actively and tirelessly. The more you succeed in loving, the more you'll be convinced of the existence of God and the immortality of your soul. And if you reach complete selflessness in the love of your neighbor, then undoubtedly you will believe, and no doubt will even be able to enter your soul. This has been tested. It is certain... Active love is a harsh and fearful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go as far as the giving even of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science...in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment...you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov Love changes things. Really....I love this writing, it is like so many conversations I've had in the past year.

Christianity as a Crutch

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Back in 1978 I spoke in Aspen, Colorado, to a gathering of Inter-Varsity students and people off the street. At the end of my talk one of the students asked a very common question. He said, "Isn't Christianity a crutch for people who can't make it on their own?"

My answer was very simple. I said, "Yes." Period.

What's Bad About a Crutch?

I can't remember how the conversation went from there. So let me just pick it up here. My return question would be, "Why is the thought that Christianity is a crutch considered to be a valid criticism of Christianity?" People don't usually look at a crutch and say, "That's bad. It's just a crutch." People don't in general think that crutches are bad things. Why does a crutch become a bad thing when it's Christianity?

I think the answer that most critics would give is this: if Christianity is a crutch, then it's only good for cripples. But we don't like to see ourselves as cripples. And so it is offensive to our self-sufficiency to label Christianity as a crutch.

But Jesus said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17). In other words, the only people who will ever come to get what Jesus has to give are sick people, people who know that they are spiritually and morally and very often physically crippled.

Everybody Has a Creed

Everybody has a creed. All people believe in something and shape their lives around it. Even agnostics believe very strongly that you ought not believe anything very strongly (which is why it is so hard to be a consistent agnostic). We all have a creed that we live by, whether we can articulate it or not.

What is the creed behind the conviction that if Christianity is a crutch, it is undesirable and unworthy of acceptance? I think the answer is this: the creed behind this criticism of Christianity is the confidence that we are not cripples, and that real joy and fulfillment in life are to be found in the pursuit of self-reliance, self-confidence, self-determination, and self-esteem.

Any Messiah who comes along and proposes to replace self-reliance with childlike God-reliance, and self-confidence with submissive God-confidence, and self-determination with sovereign grace, and self-esteem with magnificent mercy for the unworthy—that Messiah is going to be a threat to the religion of self-admiration. That religion has dominated the world ever since Adam and Eve fell in love with the image of their own independent potential when they it saw reflected back to them in the eye of the serpent: "You will not die; you will be like God."

The Creed of Self-Reliance

Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American poet and philosopher who died about 100 years ago, wrote a famous essay called "Self-Reliance." It captured the spirit of the age, and the spirit of our age.

Trust thyself, every heart vibrates to that iron string. Discontent is the want of self-reliance. It is infirmity of will.

Ah-ha! Now we see the creed behind the criticism of Christianity as a crutch. The real infirmity of the world, according to Emerson, is lack of self-reliance. And so, to his dismay, along comes Christ, not with a cure for the disease, but a crutch! Christ is a stumbling block and an offense to Emerson and to all the Terry Cole-Whittaker's of our day—yes, and even to us—because it takes the disease that we hate most, namely, helplessness, and instead of curing it, makes it the doorway to heaven. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Thank you, John Piper

It feels so good to journal again. Journaling > blogging by far. I don't even have the chance to blog that much anymore...ha. Now that school is over, I can dive into design and writing again. I'm super excited. I got a new journal today because I realize that I forget so many of the things God whispers to me...jogging, driving, working, observing...literally all day. It's like non-stop wisdom :] (trust me, my mind is always thinking!) I just need to write it down again, like I used to.I have looked back upon my life and the things I've written down even as a very very young girl, have helped me immensely grow as a person. Wisdom is transcendent like that. ;) The trick is remembering what you've walked through and learned! So I write not only to remember, but I write to dwell and soak in. Hopefully, this will be the journey to doing all of that again. Cheers to learning & holding on to. Cheers to remembering and intention.