The Sum of 2011

I wrote this in response to a letter my friend wrote me. I reflected on it today and was like wow, that is definitely the summation of the last year; 2012, I am walking in the knowledge of the below. I remember sitting on the couch and reading the letter my friend had written me, I cried and in response to God's moving, etched the below:


There is power in the pain
The more tears, the more water for growth,
Intentional nurture for fertilizer
With patience, the unseen underground growth,
One day will burst forth and stand forth.
Commended and recognized to the Father alone, bearing much fruit.
If it takes brokenness to get one to the knees for extended periods of time,
To wait, contend for, ask and cry for, then let that passion come.
If it takes confusion, screaming voices and opinions
To learn one’s own voice
And trust in the Spirit counsel first and foremost, not worldly wisdom dressed as good
Counsel, then let it be.
If it takes being in a room with crooks for one to develop discernment, let it be.
If it takes many battered hearts for one to finally grasp ones heart’s worth, then let it be.
If it takes one standing alone, to realize the potential, the instilled presence of God,
The tremendous purpose and capacity and trust in God’s power;
That one needs no body to lay with, one needs no body to stand by,
Then let it be.
If it takes fear, for fear to be realized and faced, then let it be.
The Spirit’s relentless ache signifies the substance of the things unseen.
A jewel, kept pure, being cleansed time and time again
From harshness of hands of thieves desiring to hold and steal it,
Will gleam, sparkle, and bring light to many,
Will be a treasure to behold.

4 days ago, the Holy Spirit brought this passage to my attention: Ezekiel 36:

25"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God..."

May God give us new hearts and move us to follow His direction by softening our hearts and implanting his truth daily. Let it be so, Amen. I love you so much!

“One cannot prove anything here, but it is possible to be convinced.' How? By what?' By the experience of active love. Try to love your neighbors actively and tirelessly. The more you succeed in loving, the more you'll be convinced of the existence of God and the immortality of your soul. And if you reach complete selflessness in the love of your neighbor, then undoubtedly you will believe, and no doubt will even be able to enter your soul. This has been tested. It is certain... Active love is a harsh and fearful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go as far as the giving even of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science...in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment...you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov Love changes things. Really....I love this writing, it is like so many conversations I've had in the past year.

Christianity as a Crutch

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Back in 1978 I spoke in Aspen, Colorado, to a gathering of Inter-Varsity students and people off the street. At the end of my talk one of the students asked a very common question. He said, "Isn't Christianity a crutch for people who can't make it on their own?"

My answer was very simple. I said, "Yes." Period.

What's Bad About a Crutch?

I can't remember how the conversation went from there. So let me just pick it up here. My return question would be, "Why is the thought that Christianity is a crutch considered to be a valid criticism of Christianity?" People don't usually look at a crutch and say, "That's bad. It's just a crutch." People don't in general think that crutches are bad things. Why does a crutch become a bad thing when it's Christianity?

I think the answer that most critics would give is this: if Christianity is a crutch, then it's only good for cripples. But we don't like to see ourselves as cripples. And so it is offensive to our self-sufficiency to label Christianity as a crutch.

But Jesus said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17). In other words, the only people who will ever come to get what Jesus has to give are sick people, people who know that they are spiritually and morally and very often physically crippled.

Everybody Has a Creed

Everybody has a creed. All people believe in something and shape their lives around it. Even agnostics believe very strongly that you ought not believe anything very strongly (which is why it is so hard to be a consistent agnostic). We all have a creed that we live by, whether we can articulate it or not.

What is the creed behind the conviction that if Christianity is a crutch, it is undesirable and unworthy of acceptance? I think the answer is this: the creed behind this criticism of Christianity is the confidence that we are not cripples, and that real joy and fulfillment in life are to be found in the pursuit of self-reliance, self-confidence, self-determination, and self-esteem.

Any Messiah who comes along and proposes to replace self-reliance with childlike God-reliance, and self-confidence with submissive God-confidence, and self-determination with sovereign grace, and self-esteem with magnificent mercy for the unworthy—that Messiah is going to be a threat to the religion of self-admiration. That religion has dominated the world ever since Adam and Eve fell in love with the image of their own independent potential when they it saw reflected back to them in the eye of the serpent: "You will not die; you will be like God."

The Creed of Self-Reliance

Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American poet and philosopher who died about 100 years ago, wrote a famous essay called "Self-Reliance." It captured the spirit of the age, and the spirit of our age.

Trust thyself, every heart vibrates to that iron string. Discontent is the want of self-reliance. It is infirmity of will.

Ah-ha! Now we see the creed behind the criticism of Christianity as a crutch. The real infirmity of the world, according to Emerson, is lack of self-reliance. And so, to his dismay, along comes Christ, not with a cure for the disease, but a crutch! Christ is a stumbling block and an offense to Emerson and to all the Terry Cole-Whittaker's of our day—yes, and even to us—because it takes the disease that we hate most, namely, helplessness, and instead of curing it, makes it the doorway to heaven. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Thank you, John Piper

It feels so good to journal again. Journaling > blogging by far. I don't even have the chance to blog that much anymore...ha. Now that school is over, I can dive into design and writing again. I'm super excited. I got a new journal today because I realize that I forget so many of the things God whispers to me...jogging, driving, working, observing...literally all day. It's like non-stop wisdom :] (trust me, my mind is always thinking!) I just need to write it down again, like I used to.I have looked back upon my life and the things I've written down even as a very very young girl, have helped me immensely grow as a person. Wisdom is transcendent like that. ;) The trick is remembering what you've walked through and learned! So I write not only to remember, but I write to dwell and soak in. Hopefully, this will be the journey to doing all of that again. Cheers to learning & holding on to. Cheers to remembering and intention.

Satisfy me not with the lesser of You Find me no solace in shadows of the true No ordinary measure of extraordinary means The depth, the length, and breadth of You and nothing in between. Etch these words upon my heart knowing all the while No ordinary roadblocks plague extraordinary miles Your power as my portion, Your glory as my fare Take me to extremities, but meet me fully there. _Beth Moore

Snapshots

"I love using my tiny digital camera. But the larger and more com- plex a subject, the more nearly impossible it is to represent it well and completely. No single photograph can show someone how magnificent the Grand Canyon is. It’s true that my shortcomings as a photographer do nothing to change the majesty of that natural wonder. Still, some snapshots do give a better idea than others of the grandeur. I want to take that clearer kind of picture of the Grand Canyon. And that’s the kind of image of Jesus I want our marriage to portray." -Noel Piper

On Holiness

I'm beginning to realize that God has always had this standard of holiness that he has instructed and given to His people.

I'm beginning to realize that one has to FIGHT for one's holiness, to be sober minded, to know where one stands, to know what the Word of God says, and to not step even one step beside it.

I want to be that woman, unblemished, surrendered wholly to the will and pleasure of my Father in heaven.

I'm beginning to pray that I will see myself as I actually am, and not elevated or blind to my own weaknesses. Not seeing myself only in glowing terms, ignoring my negative qualities. I see people who capitalize upon their strengths and somehow they think that it balances out their weaknesses or cancels them out, and so they stay "stained" in those areas of their lives. They let the light of their strengths blind them to the darkness of their own weaknesses.

I have, in the past, seen myself in glowing terms, unintentionally, so with this realization of self-deception, I've been pressing in more, seeking and ask harder, deeper questions. I need to strive to be whole, complete, mature, not lacking anything. So I keep asking God, show me more blind-spots…Am I too idealistic? Am I only seeking the non-reality? Am I not content? Am I holy? Am I am loving others only because I want them to love/like me? Do I want to be holy? Am I selfish in ways I cannot see? The things I have begun to discern in others, I have been asking in myself.

Being holy does not mean being ridiculously weird, unapproachable, uninformed or unaware of the culture you live in. It simply is having a standard and knowing and living with that standard before yourself. It means making God's standard--your standard. It means believing and trusting in, and therefore living within, the guidelines God has set.

Therefore, it means boundaries, it means saying no. It means grasping for the things above. It means staying __UN-calloused__ by the depravity of what is around you.

The beauty of it too, and the way Jesus walked, is that he was able to walk in holiness no matter where he went, in any situation he encountered. He was able to be aware the people, the current culture. He knew how to talk to sinners, a broken woman at the well, the teachers of the law, etc. Holiness, if you note, did not mean pushing his beliefs or himself on others either. He wasn't trying to fit in an evangelistic word in every conversation he had. Holiness was his BEING. He didn't try to stick out, and yet he did, because he was holy, biblical-holy, standard holy, set apart for his Father's will-focused, like a man on a mission. He didn't need to affirm his uniqueness by wearing, "I am Jesus Christ" T-shirts. He lived differently AMONGEST all of them, and they asked, they probed, they saw…..And they WANTED.

Anytime you are truly living for the will of your father, you are automatically different. You are automatically rare. Don't strive to be different. Just be.

Also, if you stand for something long enough, people are just gonna stop asking you to go to the bars with them if ya know what i mean. Instead, you'll be the person they call when they go through a crisis. Hello, light.

Holiness does not = a method, either. Holiness does not equate to methodology. I see so many Christian subcultures preaching/placing their all on one method to going about something. They say it is the holy way, the God way, the way Jesus would have you do whatever it is in your life, but that simply is not true. Classic example: "OUR church is biblical" (Translation: YOURS is not) (Translation 2: we trump you). I'm not sure when we began to preach this one size fits all method, because if you look throughout history/culture....methods have changed immensely and they change ALL the time. The methods some Americans place the weight their life upon (method-idolatry) would not work in Africa, or perhaps even in the slums 20 miles away from them. The biblical principles and holiness the bible teaches is transcendent through history, time and place. A method may be one good way, but it isn't THE way or the ONLY way.

With Christ there is Holiness and Freedom all at the same time, now that is the mystery and beauty. As long as you stay biblically sound, you have the freedom to approach any situation/career/relationship/problem/goal/aspiration...AND get this: ministry--the way you feel is best/God calling you, being mindful of your brothers and sisters and the ones you are serving as well (which goes back to being biblical). Now that is diversity and unity holding hands...(a God-trend all around if you ask me), more mystery and beauty.

And I Imagine

And I imagine us
changing the world
not from what we do but the persons
we are

the cup of coffee gets cold and i pour you 'nother
kiss your sweet face
cream and sugar

And I imagine seeing your face
on the other side of the world
countin' the wrinkles
1, 2, 7, 12,
endless moments
whisperin' thank you God

And ours are the kids
with the sombrero's
who could care less of what the others think
cus we taught them to laugh
and to know and to be

In our sphere are the skeptics
the intellectuals,
the elitists with the hard hearts
brought into light

And we may have a little
some days, we have a lot
but ours is the depth
few find
and our hearts know
enough

And every night we'd dive
dive into the infinite
you pull me deeper
I pull you in

And when I look at you
you make me wonder
you make me ask
you make me want
you make me spin
and I know
that I know
that I don't know
everything

because
you are mine.