Chances

Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need


-Five for Fighting.

"Reflections..."

I wrote this this august sitting and pondering how much i've been through since leaving for college, amazed at how much i've learned and grown...


8/1/2009

I remember mom crying when I left for college

All the endless flat tires and broken failed engine responses

The voicemail that played over and over of

A lost love

Friendship at its best

Questions in the early early morning

And kisses that laid to rest

Dreams that were learned and

Eyes that cried a mind unresponsive

At reasons for goodbye

The definition of alone never

Proved so valid and mistakes

And crooked lines

Gave me the challenge

Of thinking I wasn’t who I thought I was

And I didn’t want so soon

What I thought I needed

as I watched the miles run

on my odometer

liberation came as the speed

Reached eighty five

So we covered the windows

Once the sun rose

Sleeping in carried over

Even when the places to be became

Ever the more impendent

Pretending was paired with pulling

The covers over my eyes

Sometimes even

To sleep at night

I would realize that eyes closed

I could still see the light

Refined Desires

Hectic schedule.... I will try to post a real post later...but here is a glimpse of what's going on in my life and heart


[1:42:35 PM] Cathy To: you know, if we are walking with the Lord, and if our heart is right with him....if we truly desire His will above our own....
[1:42:46 PM] Cathy To: then we have nothing to worry about
[1:42:53 PM] Cathy To: we should have complete trust and reliance on him
[1:43:01 PM] Cathy To: that he's going to bring about that in our lives
[1:43:07 PM] Cathy To: so we don't have to fight for something or be disappointed
[1:43:18 PM] Cathy To: because what we truly want is what He wants...and He will surely do it.



It is just the road of getting to the point of desiring nothing apart from His will.





Philippians 4:6-7

Purpose.

I’ve realized the whole of my life is to soak in every experience, sight and wonder--Letting God breathe truth into perspective

before I breathe it out.

Psalm 103

This verse came into my spirit yesterday as I was thinking of God's goodness...

Psalm 103

¹ Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

² Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Resolve

God's been speaking to me a lot about resolve....and I read this last night:


Never revise decisions. If you have made a wrong decision, then face the music and stand up to it; do not whimper and say--"I won't do that again." Take the initiative, take the step with your will now; burn your bridges behind you--"I will write that letter"; "I will pay that debt"; make it impossible to go back on the decision. Sentimentality always begins when we refuse to obey, when we refuse to take some stand God has told us to because of an insinuation that has come in from somewhere. If we hesitate, insinuations are sure to come."

-Chambers, Grow Up in Him, Take the Initiative

Psalm 37

I wrote this in reply to a note that a friend posted on facebook. I figured since I haven't had the time to write anything in here that this could suffice.....because I am reminded again of this chapter today.



Wow ----------, i really really really like this. I can relate to this on every level, in fact, these are some of the thoughts that i've been thinking lately honestly. I am so glad that you realize the calling that God has placed on our lives, how we are to be to others, even if they are not to us. But it's definitely hard to find yourself in a difficult place and feel as if no one's there. When i think that, i wonder how many more people feel the same way. Last night as I was reflecting on some things in my life, God brought me back to Psalms 37 (it seems like He does this every two years when I'm going through a difficult time, since I have all these dates written down next to this chapter). I just felt like I should share this with you...

Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong....
fret means to gnaw, to rub, corrode, to cause to suffer emotional strain, to pass time in worrying, to agitate...to eat into something…

Do not suffer emotional strain because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong….
Trust in the Lord and do good….
Wait patiently for Him
Do not suffer emotional strain when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath…..HOPE in the Lord

I had been thinking about my life and the difficulties that I have been given. For a while I really just thought that this was my “lot” in life. And I cried to God because it was so difficult. He was the orchestrator of life and why he made it this way, I didn't know. And it frustrated me. I thought this difficulty was mine to bear, and mine alone. Finally, God last night just told me to give it over to him. “Stop thinking about the difficulty and just trust me to fight it for you. Trust me to bring about the good in your life. Don’t think about how unfair this situation is. Don’t think about how this person is not there for you even after all those times you forgave and were consistently there for them. Do not dwell on the wrongs of others. Trust me to fight and contend for you. Let it go, it’s mine.” When I realized this, a light bulb came on and I just stopped crying…I felt the pain no more. After many sleepless nights, I fell right asleep and had the peace that I had been searching for….

I’ve always thought I’ve trusted God with everything, but last night, trust to Him meant for me to stop thinking and crying about it and let him handle it.

“Some of the battles of your life were given to you not so you can fight them, but so that you can simply hand them over to me to fight for you.”

I’m not sure if this speaks to you or if I went onto another subject, haha. But I felt like I should share this with you. you’re not alone ----------. I know we’re not super close (that should change!) but I’m always here if you need me….I think we relate on many levels. I’ve felt just the same way recently, it’s really ironic. But then, maybe not.

You’ve always been super encouraging and non-judgmental for the right reasons and I’ve always loved that about you.

God’s got you in his hands, Be encouraged ----------, I see such great things in store for you. Just be patient and wait for it….



In Christ,
Cathy

I was trying to get a creative updated profile picture for facebook so I laid down and took it backwards. lol. I know I accidentally cut out my face but I thought this picture turned out really interesting and says a lot about me. This is my room at home aka a storage room (really). I'm laying on the floor which one can tell has a bunch of junk.....

BUT, it's me. lots of junk, pretty dress, relaxed feet, happy. :)

I'd love to start again; Go back to innocent and never leave

"For though a righteous man
falls
seven times,
he rises
again."

Proverbs 24:16



I know I cannot be the only one who needs to be reminded of this.

My heart....

But I always will.

Soundtracks

Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin' down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon,
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room,
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin' out now
From so far away...
Pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Mat Kearney, Closer to love

In my heart...

Click to enlarge. Some of these are really beautiful enlarged :)

I always get so much from looking at these pictures....my perspective is made right again. Not sure when I will stop posting pictures. Sometimes I just post them for myself so I can look at them again...I can't tell you what it does to me when I see them.



Taiwan

My super cute bible study girls.

bamboo bridge :)

we made 2,000 of these bracelets. It was worth it.



The trail up the mountain.



We made it to the top of the mountain, hooray! It was so beautiful and....holy, just worshipping in the middle of God's creation.

My favorite night was with the youth of IF.

After I preached at this church, they gave us all hats. It was such an honor.






baptism....

our suitcases were full of candy :)

At the Children's home. It always makes me so much braver when I think of the kids and teens here. How can I not get up after a night of trial when they face so much more?


Praying over the city of Cebu

I Don't Have a Plan

I have not had the chance to write much in here yet. I suppose I will have the opportunity to post something this week since I do have a significant amount of time off. I kind of want my first official post to be edited and thought-out, and not blurbs or rants. In the mean time I just want to write a bit about what's on my heart at the moment.

Ever since I left the Philippines, my heart has been even more tender. I was thinking today about how I have dreams and goals. My dreams and goals are not very defined, save that I know that I am to build a cafe. (When and where? I haven't gotten that nudge yet.) Besides that, my goals and dreams have to do with effecting people for God's kingdom. I can truly say that my goal and dream is to accomplish God's will. And I'm discovering more of what His will is for me is every day. I know it's bigger than I can imagine or plan.

"I don't have a plan...," I thought today. "But that's the beauty of my life, I think..., yeah."

I love the thought of my life being able to completely change in a year or so.

Before my trip overseas, I could never imagine myself in a different country for an extended period of time (giving a year or two or a life away to minister in a foreign country). Before my trip, I would never think or imagine myself really enjoying another country. I'm too "high maintenace" right? I mean there's heat, bugs, strange food, language barriers, inconvenience, obstacles left and right....and the list goes on. My best friend always made fun of the thought of me in another country...but surprisingly enough, a ton of my other friends somehow knew that if I was focused I could easily enjoy spending an extended amount of time ministering in another country. I surprised myself on this trip and God returned the surprise. Serving people and seeing Jesus come alive in people melts my own concerns away. There is a definite possibility in serving overseas long-term in my future, and I've been praying about it. I'm not bullet-proof, but I've always proved to be tougher than I give myself credit and/or tougher than I even think I am.
God, (and I speak of him), there's just something about waking up every day knowing you are where you're supposed to be and giving every hour and every minute of the day away serving people, telling people about Jesus, doing God's will, being his apparatus, being his hands and feet. Your heart, body, soul, mind, and Spirit just leap because they know they are doing what they are meant to do. There's just something about getting out of yourself. It's so much easier without all the distraction. Why we make rubbish and empty things distractions in America, I still don't know. And why it's so hard, I'm not sure.


So I don't have a plan mapped out for myself. While some may call that unwise, it isn't for me because I know I'm following God's will. I'm not walking around lacking luster and just living life. I love the thought that I could be in another country in a matter of months on the mission field. I love the thought that I could be interning in another state or country. I love the thought that God may have me stay where I am and excel in my retail job that is a stage and mission field in itself. It is a floor of influence (& I am truly loving it right now). I love the thought of my cafe hitting ground where the Lord will say, "here."
I love the thought of how God just miraculously provides for me semester after semester in more diverse ways than I can count on my fingers. I rejoice and He always asks me, "Why are you so surprised?"


I love the thought that God's got my map mapped out for me and I just have to ask for directions.

New Beginning.