1/14/10

I’m the kind of girl who would write her name all over it, match the colors to the ones I like, start drawing a curving line without knowing how many curves I will rashly make of it and where I would eventually end it. It’s more exciting and unpredictable that way, I think. And if it ends up being an ugly curve, I’m not the kind of girl who would throw it all away—I would only perfect it.


Then I would call it mine.


I am strangely dissatisfied when I cannot put roots into something.



There’s a different light to me right now (many have mentioned it).
Something of a more quiet somber,

but I am not worried, neither am I unhappy. I am content in a most different manner.
Yet with all that I am,
I am waiting on God.

I am waiting so much for him to tell me where to dig, where to invest, where to put my energies and passions toward. I am zealous.

I am bent on giving and creating. I am waiting for him to tell me where to give.
Where to create. Where to invent these visions.





Speak to me God.


It isn’t a dissatisfaction, but a longing.
It’s like I’m standing still and the world is spinning around me. I can’t hold on to anything or be in one place for too long because it’s all temporary. And in all the madness, in all the changeable sights and scenes, I’m just waiting to see something beyond physical sight. I am waiting to see this sparkle that will incite an explosion in my mind.

And I’m waiting to hear a voice that speaks quieter yet out-speaks the others.



I am anticipating a finish.




I’ve never been afraid to go after what I want.
The challenge is, God….what should I want?

let go

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend...

Ecclesiastes 3:3-7





"So piece together these little mysteries,
it isn't hard to see the writing on the wall.
Triump and tragedy, only God can be
both the builder and the wrecking ball."

-Jill Phillips, Wrecking Ball

And when you hold me, I start unfolding

The death of you brought the life of me, so I can only pray that the death of me will bring the life of You.





"Somewhere in the recesses of your mind, there should be an inner knowing that directs you toward an expected end." -T.D Jakes.

Chances

Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need


-Five for Fighting.

"Reflections..."

I wrote this this august sitting and pondering how much i've been through since leaving for college, amazed at how much i've learned and grown...


8/1/2009

I remember mom crying when I left for college

All the endless flat tires and broken failed engine responses

The voicemail that played over and over of

A lost love

Friendship at its best

Questions in the early early morning

And kisses that laid to rest

Dreams that were learned and

Eyes that cried a mind unresponsive

At reasons for goodbye

The definition of alone never

Proved so valid and mistakes

And crooked lines

Gave me the challenge

Of thinking I wasn’t who I thought I was

And I didn’t want so soon

What I thought I needed

as I watched the miles run

on my odometer

liberation came as the speed

Reached eighty five

So we covered the windows

Once the sun rose

Sleeping in carried over

Even when the places to be became

Ever the more impendent

Pretending was paired with pulling

The covers over my eyes

Sometimes even

To sleep at night

I would realize that eyes closed

I could still see the light

Refined Desires

Hectic schedule.... I will try to post a real post later...but here is a glimpse of what's going on in my life and heart


[1:42:35 PM] Cathy To: you know, if we are walking with the Lord, and if our heart is right with him....if we truly desire His will above our own....
[1:42:46 PM] Cathy To: then we have nothing to worry about
[1:42:53 PM] Cathy To: we should have complete trust and reliance on him
[1:43:01 PM] Cathy To: that he's going to bring about that in our lives
[1:43:07 PM] Cathy To: so we don't have to fight for something or be disappointed
[1:43:18 PM] Cathy To: because what we truly want is what He wants...and He will surely do it.



It is just the road of getting to the point of desiring nothing apart from His will.





Philippians 4:6-7

Purpose.

I’ve realized the whole of my life is to soak in every experience, sight and wonder--Letting God breathe truth into perspective

before I breathe it out.